It’s New Years Day, and Seraphina has been sick since
Christmas Eve. Not good. Her regular pediatrician’s office is closed until
tomorrow, and I do not think she is sick enough to warrant a trip to the ER or
urgent care, so I just gave her the last dose of Motrin and she is now
snuggling with Great Grannie watching Puppy
Dog Pals.
This situation is giving me flashbacks; when Lily was about
2 months away from turning 3, she spent NYE in the children’s hospital back in
NJ for a nasty respiratory virus. It is never pleasant to spend time in the
hospital with a sick child, but to spend it there on a holiday made it all the
more bitter. I am wondering how this has come to be, to have another sick
holiday with another young child. I had hoped and prayed last night that this illness
would be behind her by today, so I can’t help but feel this is 2018 taking one
last stab at me after I complained about it.
Screw you, 2018.
My dear friends Jay and Melissa have this awesome annual
Chinese New Years party which I dearly miss since having moved south, and early
this morning I got a Facebook notification about it- Jay reminding us its
coming up, and that it will be the Year of the Pig. I was born in the Year of
the Pig 1983, so maybe that holds some meaning for how this year will be. According
to the Chinese Zodiac, pigs can be a symbol of good fortune. They also tend to
sleep in, which is why they are the last sign on the zodiac.
I definitely slept in today.
Birth year aside, I have held pigs in higher regard and
adored them since as far back as I can remember. They are cute and smart in my
opinion, although in many cultures that is not the common conception.
When I was in elementary school, we went on a school trip to
visit a farm. The only thing I remember from the entire experience was getting
to hold a soft, pink baby pig. It was so sweet and I just wanted to take it
home with me. That moment affected me so deeply, it was probably the very first
seed that caused me to go vegetarian a few years later, a diet I have chosen
on-and-off again ever since; currently, I am not practicing vegetarianism or
veganism, however I would like to be (not an easy feat when you live next door
to the BBQ capital of the USA).
Today I am in a funk, surrendering to “doing nothingness”,
and focusing on making my sweet little baby feel as comfortable as possible.
Maybe we’ll get lucky and this is the last day she’ll feel bad. Not the best
way to ring in the New Year, for any of us in this household. Our littlest
light is dimmed today, and we are finding it difficult to do much of anything
but helping to gain back that light.
And that’s what we’re all searching for anyway, isn’t it?
Finding our light, or holding on to it. I hope I can move through the darkness
more adeptly this year, and remember the light is always shining, but sometimes
I must seek it out and nurture it a bit.
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| Image courtesy of Aligorith's Lair |
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